Queensland announces ban on finger guns

In the wake of a recent proposed crackdown on gel blasters, Queensland Police Minister Mark Ryan has announced that finger guns will also be made illegal in the sunshine state.

Despite overwhelming criticism from the public, Ryan scoffed at suggestions that this new proposal, the brainchild of former QPS Commissioner Ian Stewart, was about incremental social engineering against firearm culture and was strictly about community safety.

“There’s clearly no place in the community for this kind of deadly weapon and we’re taking steps to ensure Queenslanders are kept safe,” Ryan said in a statement.

“The recent influx of inner-city Labor voters from Sydney and Melbourne escaping destructive policies they voted for down there has resulted in the same ideological shift here. We need to cater to the lowest common denominator and I make no apologies for that.”

Queensland Police have announced a new “Hand Gun Taskforce” will be formed at a cost of $1 billion to Queensland tax payers.

 “Our members are generally shit at identifying firearms in the first place, so going after low-hanging fruit is going to make life a lot easier,” QPS Commissioner Katarina Carroll said.

“Actual Police work on illegal firearms requires effort and successive governments have successfully shown this kind of collective punishment makes it far easier for confisc, er, consultation with the community.”

Local South Brisbane mum Karen Miller is pleased with the announced ban.

“I spent months campaigning against Gun World’s Billboards on Facebook and they wouldn’t even let me speak to their manager. At least they’ve heard us now,” she said.

“Our children deserve a right to be safe from this menace. The gel blaster toys are bad enough, we don’t want to be like America.”

Queenslanders will have two months to register their index finger and thumb should the legislation pass. Classification is rumoured to mirror actual firearms legislation. For example, the simple pistol gesture will be Category H, while the more complex double handed pump-action shotgun gesture will fall under Category C. 

Penalties for the Terminator 2 Mini-Gun gesture will be severe, up to and including amputation.

However, members of Queensland’s Deaf Community are outraged that they will be branded criminals overnight. Ryan assured that the deaf community would be exempt from the legislation, provided they register and pay for an annual Auslan licence.

“It’s a rort. How are they going to tell the difference between what’s real and what’s not? They can’t even do that now,” Deaf Association President Jim Davis said.

Jackie Trad was unavailable for comment due to property investment commitments, but her office has also further announced that Queensland will consider new “Queensland: The Softcock State” licence plates to commemorate the occasion.